Psychologists! How hard is it to redo something that should have been done long time ago?

I came from China, I lived there for 13 years.

Chinese education is a failure, in that it transforms students into mindless test taking machines totally ignore and avoid the psychological development of the students

People say American kids are spoiled, but it is the Chinese who are truly spoiled, in a disastrous way

As people grow, what made their social skills? It is none other than interaction with peers, to socialize; but since socialize interferes with studying, it is forbidden by Chinese parents.

Chinese kids thus are isolated into their own small world, whose only people skill only came from the brainwashing pro-chinese communist party education classes, only in the forms of worship your superior

After I have been in the U.S. for more than 6 years, since I had taken AP Psychology class in my American high school, I started to suspect that my clumsiness in social interactions and my tendency to say or do stupid/offensive/childish things without aware of what I just did might be autism, that the awkwardness of me interacting with my peers is because that I am psychologically unable...but...

When I talk to my Chinese relatives in China, my elder cousin, they told me I sound very mature, that I must be 10 years older than I am....

and I knew for a fact that they are not lying, since they described of why I sound mature...things like ';have independent thinking'; and ';knew clearly what I want for my career and how I get it';

sounds basic in America, but true in China

So now I suspect that the problem I have is not psychological, it is not that I have psychological disorders, but because of my isolation from people and proper social skills education back in China and 2-3 years when I am in America, I acted accordingly to what I have learned in these recent years, and my emotional age grew accordingly.

So if, after these 3 years of interacting with people my emotional age is like 8-10, is there any way to redo the damage and bring my emotional age equivalent to my physical age? which is 20?

Or do you think isolation is not the cause of my problems in social situations? but it is indeed some kind of psychological disorder like autism?

I am planning to see a psychiatrist, btwPsychologists! How hard is it to redo something that should have been done long time ago?
I think you sound like you are doing very well, better than some americans your age...also...... and you have had to deal with both cultures......good for you.......

I would say that you do NOT sound like there is anything 'wrong ' with you......but you need to know if you see a psychiatrist, they are trained to find any negative, and they are not necessarily right about their diagnosis.........

I dont think you mean you want to 'redo ' the damage.......because that means to repeat the damage over again.........

I am convinced , from what you have said, that you will rapidly catch up with your age, and you may be there already there

so you have to learn to relax a little and give yourself a break in all your pushing to be better and better..........everyone needs a vacation and to relax

Emotional maturity does increase the more one grows and the more one is around mature people...... it includes having a value system and helping others and not always competing with others to get ahead.......and all that......

I seriously dont think you have anything to worry about........take care.......happy new year , tooPsychologists! How hard is it to redo something that should have been done long time ago?
I will guess that you are experiencing some cultural differences outside of, and in addition to, the realm of independent versus state directed thinking, peer socialization, etc... It sounds like you have a good grasp of the big picture and some of the specific issues that are causing you troubles. In a glossed over summary, it sounds like you are lacking general, American style, social skills. What you are discovering is that you have been in America long enough that you are not as native- Chinese in terms of culture and world view any more either.



Do realize that in American English, that body language, facial expression, intonation, inflection, and more are very critical in relaying a message as intended. These are learned in lessons that begin when our parents smile and coo to us at birth, continue when we play as toddlers with others, and of course through out our school years. Further, they are not the same throughout all of our sub-cultures nor geographically across the US. - Some of the differences are generated through shared experiences but, they are also shaped by the cultures from which the participants originated in.



Because we are social creatures at heart, we can certainly be emotionally affected by our interactions with others. If you feel hurt, ostracized, shunned, socially corrected, etc... when you interact with others, it does make sense that you drifted towards avoiding social interactions.



You may want to explore the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist in your quest for solutions. My bias is that which ever discipline you seek, it should be with someone who understands/can understand the two cultures. Also, keep in the back of your mind that Toastmasters often offers a class in social conversation and small talk; Toastmasters is an organization devoted to various forms of speaking and public speaking.