Why are Black Women so mean to the nice Black Guys?

As a young African American Man who works in a very conservative corporate environment - were there are very few African American males, I’m sometimes asked by African American people, if I experience racism in my office, (I assume they’re referring to the White people in the office). I tell them, “Actually, no, I don’t.” There may be one or two people who may have some issues, but they don’t bother me. They don’t say anything to me, and I don’t say anything to them. But over all, they, (meaning the White people in the office) are very, very nice, they are all very educated and they respect me in the same sense. But I continue to expound on the question by informing them that I do experience problems, but I get them from the Black Women in my office. A number of them are very rude, harassing and provoking towards me, although I’m always doing my work and minding my business. They make comments such as: “I don’t act black, I act like I think I’m white, etc. I’m told by some of my African American friends, men and women, that these Black Women behave like this towards me because they like me and they are trying to get my attention. Personally, I think these type of women are crazy and sick because no other women, White, Asian, etc… behaves like that towards me. I’m sometimes asked by my White and Asian women friends, “why are Black Women so mean to the nice Black Guys?; or, why do Black Women hate the nice Black Guys?” Some of the women who have asked me these questions have themselves, witness Black Women attack and harass me, as well as other African American guys like myself. White and other cultures of women in my work environment, as well as in other social environments often tell me, “You are so nice, you are so nice; you are so sweet, you are so nice”. Meanwhile, these White and Asian women watch the Black Women - although unprovoked - harass and attack me for no apparent reason, when I’m always simply just minding my business; and then they hear these very same Black Women make up crazy, sick, irrational excuses for their behavior. I explain to these White, Asian and other cultures of women that many Black Women hate the nice African American Men because they can’t pin their problems and issues on us like they are so notorious for doing, but instead have to take the challenge of responsibility for their own faults, failures and other issues. The nice guys have an education, we have good jobs, we don’t have children or owe child support, which means we have no responsibility to accompany their misery, because misery loves company, and our content and happiness makes them jealous and angry. Black Women can’t accuse us for their many problems and issues in an attempt to gain pity and sympathy from the rest of the world like they are so known to do. When nice guys are around, we make Black Women look bad and weaken their argument when ever they try to make negative and degrading statements about African American Men, and then, what makes them hate us even more is, the nice guys usually date White, Asian or other cultures of women. This leaves the question that I’ve heard other cultures ask: “Okay, we know about all the bad Black Men, but why can’t Black Women get the Good Ones?” I’m often told by some of my White and Asian Women friends, “I could never imagine you with a Black Women, you are too nice, you are not for Black Women, the other kind of Black Guys are for Black Women, you are too nice.” Black Women seem to not be aware that other cultures are very observant as to how African American people interact with each other. Often after watching Black Women harass me when I’m minding my business, my White, Asian and other cultures of women friends have said “Black Women are crazy, why do they threat the nice Black Guys bad, then get mad when they date White or Asian women?” My response is, “It-is sought of a craziness.”Why are Black Women so mean to the nice Black Guys?
Sad but true . I have seen it and pointed it out to some sisters. As you mentioned other women from different cultures are simply watching and studying us. Then when these confused sisters turn their backs, the other types of women are ready to pounce and pour salt in the wounds. We as Black women must recognize our faults and come to grips with this insanity.Why are Black Women so mean to the nice Black Guys?
if you have a nice kind white woman, why even waste your time posting this question?

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I've actually experienced the same thing as a black woman from both sexes. Some people have a presence that is intimidating. If these black women get along with every other black man and not you then you may need to change something. Try talking to them instead of waiting on them to speak first.

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I completely agree with Don Don!!

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Kinda funny how you didnt post an avatar, let alone a picture.

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First off I'm also a young black men and I completely disagree with you because your a ignorant idiot who generalize everything, I have met Some black women who are like that but most black women are not.

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i have no words for this stupidity...

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why do you assume all black women do that? not all black women are crazy

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I don't care what anyone says, this man is telling the truth.





Sisters get it together!

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The problem is that once they hook up with the thug bastard after getting her pregnant with mutiple children %26amp; walks out on her leaving her with the responsibilities;she get's fustrated %26amp; start blaming all black men for her troubles,including the nice black men.

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IDK. I'm mixed and they are so rude to me. They say that i act white when really, I am just educated and don't believe in saying,';Yo, my *****'; because that just sounds very uneducated.

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I think your question is wayy too long to read, so i'm just gonna tell you to stop talking about black people in that way. All races and cultures and so forth have their problems, it's NOT JUST BLACK PEOPLE. white people do it too, ya shocking eh?
that is sooooo long. there's no way I'm reading all that crap, but I don't like you - just because you generalize and stereotype. bye!





p.s. now I see why I don't date people like you - I wouldn't give you the time of day!
I'm sorry about giving you ';thumbs up';. I wanted to give you ';thumbs down';.





I have the solution to your problem though.... make an ';L'; shape with your hand. Now, place it on your forehead...... Loser!
I can't begin to understand why those women would act that way. I just dream of the day that we only see each other as either Good or Bad, with skin, religion or gender not getting in the way.





I hope you find happiness, and don't give a second thought to those that interfere with that happiness.
Ok whoa- after reading that whole thing i had to take a break. But either way. I understand what you are talking about except I am looking from the womans point of view. I moved to a basically all white community about 4 years ago. When i got up here, the black men were very rude, disrespectful and just plain jerky to me. They would turn up their noses at me (which i feel i looked darn good by the way, not model type but attractive nonetheless) and run to an oversize white woman. That bothered me for a while until white men started to pay attention to me. After that started to happen, the same guys who were rude to me in the beginning would come up to me and ask me why I was being saditty(sp?). I was totally offended by that because I felt I had always went out of my way to be around them.





I started to see what you were talking about at some point later, with AA women treating AA men crappy. I could not understand it but they broke it down like this- most of them have been in bad relationships with a man or two in their lives that have skewed their opinion of all black males. The guy who approaches her might be the nicest guy in the world, but if she had been treated like crap before, odds are she wont want anything to do with you. I say ignore them and get yourself around those who will accept you for you. You arent doing anything wrong- it is just them placing all the worlds blame on you. It is on them completely.





Just please dont wear open toe sandals, wear khaki shorts or sing to pop music. that will turn anyone off....
Because they have been taught that being white is everything and they have become just as racists as the most white people..


They will also learn that they too will have to suffer the same fate that all racists will face in the end..................... And that's the fiery pit will burn for a very long time....................................…
Not all black women are like that. So far you have not met the others. Perhaps it is the company you keep?
Happens to me. I don't know why. They're just real moody or something.


Notice how all the black women posting here are giving you an attitude? This is exactly what you're talking about.
What in the HELL? Did you copy and paste this NOVEL from a jet magazine article. You should have it published. Better yet, divide it into twenty parts and call it a series!


Oh, and no one cares what your white American, and Asian American female friends think!!!!!!!!
Either you hate your black mother, or a woman who happens to be black has just dumped you or shot down your advances. Cut it out man! You are no prize. I can tell by how you lumped the whole black race of women into one mindset because a few may, and I say may because you are hard to believe, have disrespected you.





Get over yourself. You are not the first successful black man and you won't be the last. Many a black woman is looking for and knows how to treat a good black man. When you become one, maybe you'll find one.





You're an embarassment to yourself; not the race.
OK, I read your whole story. What I got out of it was that there are a couple of black women in your office that say things like, ';I don’t act black, I act like I think I’m white';.





It isn't an attack, it's a fact. Don't take it in a bad way. I know plenty of white people who act like they are black. There isn't any normal way for ANY race to behave these days.





You act like an up tight white guy instead of a jive talking brother. For those women, that may make you a sell out in their mind. For you, it is a professional way to act in the office.





I'm sure those women are not your superiors at the office. I'm sure they are on one of the lower rungs of the corporate ladder. When they learn to act professional for an office situation, they may move up the ladder. Their attitude not only shows to you, but I'm sure their boss also sees their unprofessional behavior.





Just remember to be yourself. Don't fall into a racial stereo type. Mostly, don't worry about what those black women say at work, or the white and asian women either. I got the impression they are playing you.
As I read your question, I begin to wonder if you examined yourself. Maybe you are treating the black women differently.You claim that the women would harass you for no reason, but have you examined your behavior. Maybe you are giving negative non verbal signals.


The comments that you made about you asking other women( make me wonder about what type of person you are. If you see that there is a problem with the black women in your office, why not ask them why they treat you the way they do. I think that you want to complain about black women just so you would have an excuse for dating other women. If you want to date other women then fine, but stop trying to down black women.


If you were so good, I am sure that you can find a nice black woman. Many women like myself would like to find a nice black man. Not just educated, but really a good person. I know many men who are educated and appear to be a ';good'; person, but after being around them for a while their true nature comes out.
is your mother black? if so, do you think that she is crazy? well sometimes we forget here we came from because we have gotten a few steps ahead of minimum wage. have you ever dated a black woman? well if not how would you know anything about us (black woman). so you a strong, black, educated man would rather take advice from a white or Asian woman. well you don't even fit the destruction of a black man. I'm not prejudice but your not really black, you don't know your roots. the sisters probably are just joking with you. you probably been around white people so long you don't know your own people. don't down us like we are the only race that get child support. I've slept with white guys who know sisters better than you. my true white sisters wouldn't even mess with you because you are downing your own mom. i can understand a bum on the street begging for change. they are trying to make a living just like you.
Hey NICE GUY,





ME think thou dost protest too much. If you were really a nine Guy I don't think the women would be so mean to you. Maybe you should check yourself and see what you're doing to make them so angry.





I'm a nice guy and I've never had a woman of any race be excessivly mean to me without reason.





Maybe you should stop looking for the negative things, and look at the positive. Lots of African American women have had to be strong for many, many years and take care of their families alone. Many of them had to be Mother and Father. The system was set up to keep the African American families apart. When they see you dating outside of your race and badmouthing them at the same time you become a huge part of the problem.





African American women are not crazy! They are just tired of all the crap that they have to handle alone, and not being praised for being the Queens that they really are, and always will be!





Remember that you came from one of those Queens!
I am a black woman, and I know the type that you are talking about they are mean to everybody as far as I know, even if your friends are right about them liking you run the other way those ladies are crazy
^ one of the crazy ones --- aaghh!
OMG ! You have just told the story of my life in corporate America. I always knew there had to be other Black men out there dealing with the same foolishness. First off the majority of Black women who responded to your question were hostile and attacked you; which is ironic. I believe if you're educated and focused on legitamate success ,you will receive hostility from certain types of Black women in corporate America. Mainly because they aren't accustom to dealing with these types of Black men. They can't talk to you like a child and take on some assumed authoritative role. You're not on the run from the police or asking them for money. You are independent and not relying on them for credit or a place to live. You have your act together far better then they do and it intimidates them.


It's sad because I've seen them denigrate Black men to other types of women in hopes of making us unattractive . Then these other types of women will turn around and go right after these same Black men when the Black women's backs are turned . Then Black women wonder why they are losing out. I could go on and on . It's a major problem with our women in the work place and no one is talking about it .Instead Ophra wants to talk about Black women dating White men. So damn foolish.These people are watching us and studying how we interact with ourselves. The bottom line is you are not alone ,just ignore those women who harass you but don't give up on all the sisters. When those Asian and White girls try to add fuel to the fire by saying '; I can't see you with a Black woman ';, just realize deep down they don't want Black men and women to get together anyway. Black women please wake up.
I just don't understand what it mean to ';act black';. The only thing I can think of is not to act LIKE THE REST OF SOCIETY. Do white people really act white? Do you think that French, Dutch, Russan, etc.....really like to act English in America? You bet your bottom dollar they do. You know why? They worked hard and long to be a part of America. They understand where they came from and where they are going.
Please read some of Top P's other questions and then decide who really has the problem: Top P or African American women.
It's their way to compensate. But to me it's childish anyway.
more than likely you're an uncle tom


so they resent you.....just be and don't worry about them
im just gonna assume your right,because i skimmed your novel and its just too boring.
Who cares, why did you type all that crap
I'm sorry you have endured this type of harassment from women of your own background. Some people say that black men only want us white women because we are docile and easy to control. That happens to not be the case in my situation. It's all in how you are raised and your general personality. I'm sure that there are lots of women of all races who would love to have a man like you (and if I weren't already happily married, i'd say give me a call). So, try not to be too judgemental , even though that seems to be a dominant behavior of black ladies. Maybe you will find a nice lady (no matter what race) and she will give you the kind of respect that a man like you deserves. Just keep your head up and trust your heart, she'll be along one day! Good Luck and I want to say that I am very proud that there are men like you still out there! =D
Long question...





So here goes it.





I am a white female living in a african american community. I was raised in a very rich town that only had 7 or 8 black people in my High School out of hundreds. I confided in two of the females because they were very interesting and fun to be around. Even though they were ';whiterized and educated'; they still fit that mindset. They were mean to brothers and hispanics but not to white men.





Why?





From living in this area for only 2 months I pretty much discovered what the culture is like. There are two classes and I have been told this by black people and I AM NOT RACIST. So here goes it '; there are educated black people and uneducated black people';. The educated ones are understanding, and the others from what I have seen are just NuTs. But the females in both classes have one common factor. They dispise black men. The majority of black men are quiet and reserved but still independent, unique, and short tempered. The thing about black culture, is african american men believe that ';sluttifying'; black woman and hispanic woman is okay. Ever sense im guessing the 70s it has been a learned ';habit'; to treat the females this way.





Why?





Woman outnumber men by outrageous amounts. Sense african americans are still a minority the community and men available is very little. Woman slutify themselves and let themselves be slutified and fight over the men. They treat the men badly in turn because of the way they are objectified. If they weren't so objectified and ';played'; they would be much sweeter toward black males. They know white men aren't ';checking out their goods every 4 seconds'; but dispite if black males are or not they believe they are. Because there are very few men many of them turn into players, because there are so many easy black woman out there.





It is hard for black woman to believe that there are good ';brothers'; out there because, when they find one they are usually very good players with bank accounts and educations. This is a reason for some much mixing of colors.





Have you ever noticed it is acceptable for black woman to be fat, because it's still thought of as sexy wheras white woman cannot be fat because its not sexy? Black woman have beautiful bodies and take weight on well, they also have very few cracks and lines as they age. They are beautiful, and also vain.





This is why they treat you poorly. Many white womany will treat you with more respect than they treat white men with for the fact that you are black. They don't want to offend you in anyways, because it is important to impress and like you.





I am not racist, this is observation and what I have learned.
actually I read your entire post....%26amp; I agree with you....I'm a southern white girl....%26amp; here I see issues on both sides...but I see more agression come from the black women....I have black friends...most of which are black male...%26amp; maybe 1 or 2 black women....a lot of it....I would say comes from the way they are raised.....you were raised that education %26amp; a job is important...for any color....that should be the proper way.





here....most of the black women have several kids...all from different dads....%26amp; they all want that state check....%26amp; will pick a fight over anything.....





I don't have a problem with the race as a whole....I just wish the women would shut up.





You seem like a pleasant person. %26amp; I am sorry for your bad experiences....but then again...I'm white %26amp; I feel like I'd just be repeating what your current white friends say to you. but I bet there is a black womam out there with a good education %26amp; a sweet disposition....you just haven't met her yet.





Take Care